dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
