There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
