I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
