I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
