tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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