I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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