Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Is it penis luge time yet?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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