woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
jump out the window naked night went bad
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
