I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
