I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize