I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
