so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
