my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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