I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I could fuck to npr.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
