I can tuck mytits in my pants
Define "chronic" masturbator.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
