Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
she told me i tasted like america
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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