And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
