She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
