I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
