i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
