just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
