Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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