Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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