i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
