No, drunk sperm still make babies.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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