My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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