I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
