when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
