So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
