i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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