Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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