I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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