yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
