Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
where are my eyebrows?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
