If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
it's like heaven, but drunker
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
