I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
