Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
