so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
