Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
