ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
