woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
