Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I'm really busy with my period
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