She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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