I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
