Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
