I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
