Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
