i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
