It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
