amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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