I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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