I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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