shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
