Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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