I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
