you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
