is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize