I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
