I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
