I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Randomize