I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Randomize