I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
