OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize