its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
