My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
