Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
