look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
