My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize