i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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