He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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