why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
