im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
