hotel room ftw
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize