escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
