i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
